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By Todd Maguire on October 11, 2010 in Other

Photo: Fi Lion

Photo: Fi Lion


Jeff Spicoli couldn’t quite get the hang of driving his girlfriend’s car. The latest model, bright red Volkswagen Beetle was a far cry from his 1973 Holden Kingswood, which was currently in the mechanic shop for a new set of brakes. It had four on the floor and fats all round. Jeff was appreciative of the loan but the difference between the two vehicles’ make-up was dumbfounding – blinker switch on the wrong side, engine in the boot and a useless small storage space in the front.

With a shopping list in his hand, Jeff headed off early to buy the week’s groceries. He couldn’t wait to get his Holden back on the road. As Jeff drove into the shopping centre car park a stray cat bolted straight under the front of the car. He slammed on the brakes but it didn’t sound too good. Hesitantly, Jeff climbed out to survey the damage. The borrowed car was okay, but the poor feline was as dead as a post. No good to anyone.

“I can’t just leave it here,” Jeff thought. He rummaged around the car and found an empty ‘Versace’ shopping bag sitting on the back seat. Jeff parked the Volkswagen in the closest spot he could find and reluctantly scooped up the pussy carcass and placed it in the designer bag.

With not too many people around, Jeff roamed the car park looking for a bin or dumpster to offload the mess, but he was out of luck. He noticed a security guard doing his rounds. Jeff placed the offending bag by a stack of shopping trolleys and approached the guard for assistance. He was given direction to a nearby waste bin. As Jeff turned and headed back to retrieve the corpse, he saw a lady pick up the designer bag, look around and then make haste – the hide of the woman.

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Jeff laughed to himself and followed her, intrigued. The lady rounded a corner out of sight and decided to check on her bounty. As Jeff continued his pursuit, he suddenly heard a blood-curdling scream that would have woken the dead.

Jeff quickened his pace and found the lady sprawled out on the ground having fainted. A couple of shoppers had gathered at the scene and an ambulance was on the way. Jeff kept a safe distance with genuine concern for the brazen thief.

Luckily the ambulance was on the scene in minutes and the officers sprung into action. As the lady regained consciousness she began to scream: “The bag! The bag!”

While she was being loaded into the ambulance, a diligent shopper picked up the designer shopping bag and placed it in the ambulance next to the convalescing lady. The doors of the ambulance closed and the vehicle headed off to Prince of Wales Hospital.

“I wonder what was in that bag?” one bystander questioned to Jeff.

“Coming from a Versace store, it must have been something really special,” Jeff replied, seemingly bemused by the situation.

Jeff returned to his borrowed motor vehicle with a spring in his step just as his mobile phone rang. It was his mechanic. “Yes Mr. Spicoli, your Holden is good to go. I’ve replaced your brakes and you can pick it up whenever you like,” the voice at the other end said.

Jeff brushed the shopping for the day and headed home. He dropped off the VW and couldn’t get back behind the wheel of his beloved 1973 Holden Kingswood fast enough – four on the floor and fats all round.

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