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The Copybook Tackle

By Todd Maguire on June 19, 2012 in Other

Image: Dennis Cox

Parking Officer Robin Conquest was ruthless in the pursuit of his quarry. He would have booked his own mother if he had half the chance. He was the best revenue earner for the council department until the day he unknowingly crossed the path of the rampaging Greek, Sebas Metropolis.

Sebas was a hard-hitting character with a heart of gold. He worked as a glazier and always went the extra mile to guarantee a satisfied customer. He gave everyone a fair go and expected the same in return. His Mediterranean upbringing had surely ingrained this quality.

One Thursday afternoon Sebas was bailed up replacing a window in a Surry Hills hairdressing salon. The two gay blades who ran the place were extremely particular and had Sebas working a bit longer that he had estimated. The way they ogled him as he worked didn’t sit too well with Sebas – one of the occupational hazards of the inner city area he surmised. Sebas finally packed up his kit and made his way back to his ute parked around the corner.

Checking his watch, Sebas calculated that he was now running late for football training – not happy. He quickened his pace but as he rounded the corner he was stopped dead in his tracks. Standing next to his ute across the road was a council parking officer with an infringement book open, scribing furiously. The ‘brown bomber’ placed the infringement ticket smack-bang on Sebas’s windscreen. Sebas knew he was too late for any form of leniency so he just stewed over his lot as he impatiently waited for a break in the traffic.

Luckily for the parking officer the steady flow of traffic between himself and Sebas provided an impassable barrier. He was unaware of the fuming Greek stranded across the road. By the time Sebas reached his ute and angrily read the $120 ticket, the parking officer was long gone. Sebas screwed up the ticket and pelted it into the gutter. As he tried to regain some form of composure and calm, a brilliant idea came to mind.

Sebas placed his tools in the back of the ute and grabbed his Roosters beanie from the glove box – a vital apparatus for his vengeful plan. He donned the beanie, pulling it down low, and headed off in the direction of the ruthless parking cop. As luck would have it, Sebas spotted the cop only a few streets away, whistling to himself as he merrily booked another vehicle for a minor misdemeanor. This copper sure was filling up his book quickly, easily reaching his quota for the day no doubt.

Sebas was no rocket scientist but his street smarts were frightening. From a safe distance he continued to stalk the parking cop until he turned down a side lane. Sebas took a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure nobody in particular was watching and pulled his beanie down a fraction lower. With perfect stealth, Sebas crept within a few car lengths of his prey.

With lightning acceleration, Sebas lined up the unaware parking cop and absolutely pulverized him with a copybook rugby league cover tackle, one that Ron Coote would have stood up and applauded. With the parking cop down for the count, Sebas grabbed his infringement book and bolted. Gone was Sebas’s $120 fine along with all the other parking offences for that day. It would be a month of Sundays before the slimy parking copper surfaced and resumed his route.

Parking Officer Robin Conquest was one of the best revenue earners the Council department had ever seen. That was until the day he foolishly crossed the path of the rampaging Greek, Sebas Metropolis.