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The Little Green Dog

By Todd Maguire on November 22, 2012 in Other

Roy was a great painter and a great decorator. You could say he was one of the best. He was also a great fan of dogs, but the refurbishment job he was presently undertaking had put a real dent in his appreciation for man’s best friend.

Roy had been working hard for long hours transforming the Vaucluse mansion into a masterpiece. Flamboyant local colour designer Stefan had selected the most extravagant mixture of colours for the project that Roy had ever seen. Despite Roy’s initial apprehension of the gaily-arranged collage, the final product had come together perfectly. It was cutting-edge design.

It had been a straightforward assignment from day one. The client had been appreciative and very impressed with the calibre of work that Roy had performed. They were a very easy couple to deal with but sadly their tiny dog had been a constant thorn in Roy’s side. The minuscule pooch, Missy, was a spoilt little thing that was doted on every hour of the day by the wife. She would take the dog out shopping and to coffee with the girls as a fashion accessory. Back home she would hand prepare its meals and wash it in the finest shampoo. In her eyes the designer dog could do no wrong.

But Missy was a serial pest with a degree in plain old annoyance. She would constantly nip Roy on the ankles when he wasn’t looking and steal his paint brush or sandpaper at will. One morning he found her getting stuck into the fresh slice of carrot cake from his lunch box. Roy continued happily with his quarry despite the painfully annoying dog.

It had taken an entire month for Roy to complete the job. It was his last day and he wandered around the palatial residence with a paint tin and brush touching up a few spots here and there. Roy whistled to himself as he dabbed a spot of iridescent green paint on a final feature wall in the dining room. There was a healthy pay cheque coming his way this week.

As Roy crossed the dining room, Missy was again nipping at his heels. In order to avoid stepping on the canine, Roy was sent off balance and slipped, spilling the entire tin of green paint all over an expensive designer rug. This was not part of the deal. Roy froze as he eyed the mess before him.

He tipped that the damage would equate to a couple months’ pay. He was distraught. Roy continued to do the mathematical sums of the financial loss in his head as Missy sat near the edge of the rug. She seemed to be smiling at him. It was the final straw.

Roy lunged at the dog like a ninja and grabbed her by the scruff of the neck. He rolled the small dog in the spilt green paint and in a pretense of pure rage screamed aloud: ‘”Missy, you stupid little mutt!” He made sure the owners in the next room could easily hear. “What on earth have you done?”

The husband and wife rushed to the scene of the carnage. Roy, standing in the offending spillage was shaking his head in disgust. In his arms he was holding the little iridescent-green-coated dog. Aghast at the sight, the wife broke into tears. The husband waved fists of fury. “Our new rug! I told you that bloody dog was waste of space!”

With a bit of quick thinking, Roy had managed to save his own hide but sadly the designer dog did not fare so well. The husband found the worst dog groomer possible and ordered him to give Missy the roughest shaved coat imaginable. When he had finished running the clippers over her she looked like a scientific breeding experiment gone incredibly wrong.

The difference between a good haircut and a really bad haircut? Approximately two months for poor little Missy. Needless to say the shopping and coffee days out with the wife and girls were put on hold for quite some time!