News Satire People Food Other

Yo Yo Yo, Slomo Has to Go

By Pearl Bullivant on January 23, 2019 in Other

Gettin’ hectic at Hillsong, by Kim Kardashian

How low can Australia’s political climate go with the self-named ‘ScoMo’ as Prime Minister? It’s bad enough that a country which prides itself on larrikinism and egalitarianism is so caught up in materialism and the fallacy of economic growth that it continues to elect and tolerate conservative governments with their warped version of capitalism. But now we have hit a new level of low, with the delusional Scott Morrison at the federal helm, grinning maniacally and popping up on our TV screens like a crazy used-car sales- man whilst channelling a homeboy wearing True Religion jeans and CK undies. Adding to the image are ScoMo’s ‘roadies’ in a big blue bus, banjo-strumming their way to Queensland while the boss man flies up in a private jet. Hey bro, you ain’t no ScoMo, you’re more like SloMo!

Rapping isn’t Pearl’s forte, but critiquing right wing nutjob politicians certainly is, and the name ‘SloMo’ certainly has a ring of accuracy to it. Daggy and evan- gelical, Scotty has an uncanny resemblance to the character Randy in the TV series My Name is Earl, combined with a small touch of The Dukes of Hazard’s Boss Hog. After all, he comes from the Shire, NSW’s answer to the Wild West. Like a dolt who keeps touching an open flame and wonders why it burns, SloMo cannot comprehend why Australians are not embracing him and he thinks the only way to win them over is by upping the ante on the very issues that are los- ing him the support he so craves.

Australians have become very greedy due to affluence and will put up with a lot of crap – destructive mining, dodgy bankers, overdevelopment, privatisation – provided the share and property markets are booming, and their superannuation balances are soaring. Even the interim reports from the banking royal commission have failed to shake Australians from their complacency. We thrive on the economic panic that conservative governments whip up over negative gearing, live exports, private school funding models and electricity prices. But the one thing that will creep Australians out is ultra far-right behaviour, and we have been increasingly tested by the American-style lunacy that has taken over the house and culminated in the prime ministership of SloMo.

It’s taken the unceremonious overthrowing of Malcolm Turn- bull for Australians to finally turn away from the LNP, the main aim of which is to serve its master – big business – putting short-term profit before long-term planning and the environment. But SloMo isn’t getting the message. Instead, in the style of a bible-thumping evangelist, he thinks that by becoming more regressive, more self-righteous and anti-intellectual, and by putting the screws on he is going to win the country over, dressed in a cap and grinning maniacally.

So SloMo, take heed of the hypocritical words of that ‘intellectual heavyweight’ Andrew Bolt: “Some people are so desperate to be right that everything they see confirms even their craziest theories.”

You might have met the Donald, Scotty, but you ain’t no K-West.