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Australia’s Wake-up Call

By Pearl Bullivant on January 22, 2020 in Satire

It’s the end of the world as we know it, by Martin Offiah.

As the east coast of Australia burns due to our nation’s arrogant indifference to climate change, the self-deluding craziness of our selfish society really begins to emerge. We have the absent prime minister placing it all in God’s hands (while gifting his church $110,000 courtesy of taxpayers) and retreating to the luxury of Hawaii to watch the impending apocalypse from his hotel room’s television screen. Then there’s his caretaker, Michael McCormack (who in the hell?), doing what white conservative males do best and slinging mud at the “pure, enlightened and ‘woke’ capital city greenies” and blaming self-combusting manure for the fires (apparently it’s people like Pearl who are destroying this country with their trendy solar panels and penchant for cow poo). We have the very dubiously named pollie David Littleproud, who has obviously been sniffing way too much smoke, claiming Australia is leading the world on climate change and hence we have nothing to worry about. And, to top it off, we have to listen to Our Gladys – a ‘leader’ totally ignorant to the impact these fires will have on water, food, insurance and health costs, cautioning that this is an inappropriate time to discuss climate change. When is a good time then, Gladys?
For all the craziness of The Big Men in Charge – with their finger pointing and ostrich impersonations – nothing compares with Ninemsn’s insight into the fires via a recent readers’ poll. Although this tribalist leftie doesn’t dare stray too far from the security blanket of The Guardian, Pearl does like to keep in touch with the masses, hence my dismay and outrage over one silly little poll – although I shouldn’t call it a ‘little poll’, considering the looney MSN appears to have much influence over the populace with its focus on celebrities and furry animals. This poll asked the masses to vote on suggestions for dealing with the bushfires, one of which was to “make SES volunteering compulsory for all school kids”.
Nothing about fire prevention, of course, because Australians don’t understand cause and effect. Instead, we will leave it all to the kids and just hope Greta Thunberg doesn’t put her hands up to assist. It reminds me of a school think tank my great-nephew was involved in – Future Problem Solving – where he was required to come up with solutions to unethical problems. When his solution was to prevent the problems from occurring in the first place he was promptly bounced from the team.
Surely the bushfires will be Australia’s wake up call, but Pearl thinks not. The pre-Christmas stampede during a balloon grab for $5 gift vouchers at Westfield Parramatta demonstrated that Australians have stooped to a new low. Instead of ScoMo being shafted over his climate change stance I foresee his support being consolidated in a similar way to Boris Johnson’s and I predict Michael McCormack will endorse the logging of National Parks as a solution to our fire issues. To quote the wisdom of an excellent letter in the Sydney Morning Herald, “Australians have been voting for drought and dead rivers for decades and politicians have been delivering them.” Australians need to grow up.

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