Beardy from Hell – December 2020
Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21
Borrow as much money as possible and invest in just about anything to avoid being left behind by the rest of the world.
Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20
Evil forces are trying to take advantage of you, so be careful not to put yourself in a position where you can be compromised.
Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19
A tree change is great in theory, but you’re not going to cope well being forced to mix with poor people and bogans.
Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20
You’re way too comfortable at the moment, maybe it’s time you have a go at something that scares the shit out of you.
Aries Mar 21-Apr 20
The off-putting, slightly fishy odour that you’re trying to locate the source of is actually emanating from you.
Taurus Apr 21-May 21
Propaganda and misinformation always trump evidence-based science. If you’re trying to convince someone, it’s better to lie.
Gemini May 22-Jun 21
None of your clothes suit you anymore, they never really did. It’s time for a complete restock of your outdated wardrobe.
Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22
Stop trying to make new friends and invest some time in your real mates, the ones who know you’re a kook but still like you.
Leo Jul 23-Aug 22
The key to eternal happiness lies in learning to enjoy less, which is a lot more achievable than always seeking more.
Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23
You’re going to be so horny this month that it’s actually unsafe for you to go outside. Please keep your hands to yourself.
Libra Sep 24-Oct 23
Every time you try and help someone, you end up becoming a hindrance. Just mind your own business and stop being a pest.
Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22
Stop fighting the old and start building the new. You can’t move forward if you are always looking in the rearview mirror.