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Beardy From Hell – June 2021

By Beardy from Hell on June 9, 2021 in Satire

Gemini May 22-Jun 21
Mutual blackhead management is the epitome of a symbiotic relationship and should be embraced by all couples.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22
Put all of your eggs in one basket, because there will always be some idiot willing to pay more than what you forked out.

Leo Jul 23-Aug 22
Discovering your mum’s arsenal of dillies will make this month a very confronting time for your entire family.

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23
Take a moment to realise how lucky you are to live here, even though you can’t afford to buy a home without your parents’ help.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23
Don’t use your Section 10 up on a minor infringement if you’re planning on committing a more serious crime down the track.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22
Learn to play chess. Not only will it waste away hours of your time, it will also help you to outsmart and destroy your foes.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21
Don’t be embarrassed about doing the bowel cancer test. Poking little sticks into your nuggets could end up saving your life.

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20
Join a winter swimming club. Being forced to look at your sloppy rig every week should be enough to halt the blowout.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19
Stop trying to cook at home and leave it to the experts. Life is way too short to eat crap food, even if it is only half the price.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20
Your current living arrangement is making you miserable. It’s time to sort your life out before you end up murdering someone.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20
Don’t give your friends or family investment advice unless you are prepared to take the blame when it all goes to shit.

Taurus Apr 21-May 21
Sick of all the barking? You’re better off poisoning your neighbour than harming their dog; they’ll just buy another one.