Beardy from Hell – November 2020
Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22
Intelligence, work ethic, and likeability are three qualities guaranteed to bring success. If you possess two, you’ll still be fine.
Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21
Don’t get too cocky when you’re in a position of power, because you could be back on the bottom of the pile before you know it.
Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20
An unexpected discovery right near your anus will force you to reconsider your plans for the weekend.
Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19
A few stray hairs in the wrong place can completely alter your persona. Invest in a decent pair of tweezers and sort it out.
Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20
A close work colleague has a little fiddle over you every day. Upgrade your privacy settings and remain on high alert.
Aries Mar 21-Apr 20
An old enemy is quietly plotting your demise. It’s not too late to call and apologise for whatever it was that made them hate you.
Taurus Apr 21-May 21
Stop pretending you don’t need the help of the taxpayer. Without all this stimulus, you’d be just as f*cked as everyone else.
Gemini May 22-Jun 21
Regardless of how much rubbish you eat this month, your rig will miraculously remain in reasonable shape. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22
You should focus more on your short-term goals, because your medium to long-term ones are completely unattainable.
Leo Jul 23-Aug 22
They say, “You only get out what you put in,” but it’s very important to put whatever it is you’re putting in, into the right place.
Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23
Your eyelids and chin will slowly start to sag, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it, other than surgery of course.
Libra Sep 24-Oct 23
A career change has been on the cards for a while, but you’re going to make way more money sticking with your current gig.