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Bondi Junction LEGO Store to Rebuild Sydney Football Stadium

By Kieran Blake, on August 1, 2019 in Satire

You never grow out of LEGO, by Al Leons.

Sydney Football Stadium will be the first sporting stadium in the world to be built entirely out of LEGO. The revolutionary infrastructure project is the brainchild of Brickmaster Gladys, aka Premier of NSW Gladys Berejiklian, and is the motivation behind the opening of the LEGO store in Bondi Junction.
“NSW is always at the forefront of innovation, especially under a Liberal government,” stated Brickmaster Gladys.
“Constructing this vital infrastructure out of LEGO will see the project delivered on time, under budget and to a standard never before witnessed in the world. The greatest advantage, however, of building the stadium out of LEGO is that it can be easily dismantled and rebuilt every time there is an election or by-election.”
Brickmaster Gladys then provided details of the plans to reduce expenditure.
“The stadium will be constructed in pieces, by children. Don’t worry, they won’t be paid slave labour wages – they won’t be paid at all. In fact, and this is the beauty of the scheme, the children will actually pay for the privilege of working when they sign up for a birthday party at the LEGO store.”
The build is scheduled to be completed in stages and then trucked down the hill to Moore Park. The structure will then be installed by children on school excursions, saving yet more money.
Brickmaster Gladys allayed fears that children lack the experience and skills required to build the promised world-class facility.
“The children will take part in a competition. Every aspect of the build will be overseen and scrutinised by experts.”
Sydney residents assumed these experts would be master builders from LEGO’s headquarters in Billund, but this is not the case.
“The history of Sydney has shown us that intelligent, innovative, avant-garde and highly-qualified Danish construction experts are no match for true blue Aussie loudmouths. Therefore, the experts will comprise of Sydney’s most popular talk back radio hosts, who will also announce the winners of the competition.”
Construction of the new stadium has already begun inside the LEGO store, and the installation of the pre-fabricated pieces will commence once filming of Wreck it Ralph 3: Ralph Breaks the Electorate is completed on the current site and moves into post-production at Fox Studios.
Relevant stakeholders welcomed the cost-saving measures implemented during the construction phase, according to Brickmaster Gladys.
“As a result, we have extended these savings to the managers of the stadium, who will be provided with LEGO figurines to serve as security staff and food and beverage attendants during sporting events. We do not anticipate any requests for penalty rates from LEGO figurines.”
Brickmaster Gladys then encouraged local residents to embrace the iconic architectural landmark, and to visit it before the next election.