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The Shire Sends ScoMo Back to Where He Came From

By Kieran Blake, on October 2, 2019 in Satire

Welcome home, by Dee Port.

Scott Morrison and his family have been forcibly removed from the Sutherland Shire and sent back to Morrison’s birthplace, the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney.
The Prime Minister, his wife and two daughters were kicked out of their home in The Shire during a clandestine operation conducted by members of numerous federal agencies, the details and motives of which have only recently been revealed.
The family’s idyllic life in The Shire came to an abrupt end when they were bundled into vans in the dark of night and taken back to the East. Leaked reports indicate that Morrison and his wife were deliberately separated from their two young daughters for the duration of the trip, despite the girls’ tears and the protestations of the desperate parents.
Federal officers reportedly taunted the girls as the convoy passed Sydney Airport, asking them if they would like to take a short trip to Christmas Island. Apparently, when the girls showed excitement at the prospect, the same officers replied, “There’s no Santa on that island.”
Morrison, or ScoMo as his brand manager prefers him to be known, was born, raised and educated in the Eastern Suburbs but was drawn to The Shire in search of greater opportunities and a superior lifestyle. He and his family may now be forced to live out their lives in the Eastern Suburbs, against their will.
A small number of ScoMo supporters attempted to halt the removal, uniting behind #PapaSmirk. They cited the family’s standing in the community.
“The Morrisons must be good people, because they go to church all the time,” they argued.
“Plus, ScoMo is part of the furniture at Sharks footy games.”
Other ‘Hobbits’, as residents of Sutherland Shire are commonly known, supported the removal, voicing their opinions on various social media platforms.
“We don’t want a chubby, smirking, religious nutcase in our land!!!” tweeted one supporter.
“Eastern Suburbs unlivable? Not our problem, go back to where you came from,” wrote another.
“Go back to the Roosters ScoMo,” mocked another.
The authorities responsible for the removal refused to answer questions, instead issuing a brief statement.
“The Shire is paradise, and we understand the attraction to the region,” read the official statement.
“However, we must protect existing residents, with greater claim to the territory, from outsiders. The decision to remove Mr Morrison and his family is complex, but ultimately came down to character. Put simply, swilling beer, smirking and attending football games does not guarantee a person’s good character.”
Another Hobbit was rather more circumspect about the status of ScoMo and his family in The Shire, stating, “At least we had someone to blame if the Sharkies don’t end up winning the comp this year.”