News Satire People Food Other

The Birthday Boy

By Todd McGuire on May 24, 2013 in Other

Photo: Con Crete

Photo: Con Crete

Leon had become increasingly sceptical of his wife’s fidelity. In fact, he had been paranoid about her loyalty toward him since the day they had first met. It was a thorn in his side that he had lived with forever, but he had never really let on about his constant paranoia.

Leon had no real reason to doubt her monogamy. She was a loving wife and cared dearly for Leon and the family. It was just that she was one of the best sorts God had ever put a breath into and she turned heads wherever she went. Leon was definitely punching well above his weight and he knew it.

Leon had done well for himself. He had started out working for a concrete company and his Cinderella story saw him become manager after only five years. After ten years he was the owner of the thriving company. Leon was worth a few bob and was not afraid to spend a little, but was reluctant to spend a lot.

Despite being the owner of the concrete business, Leon continued to drive concrete trucks to building sites. He just loved being a simple man, working with his mates, having a beer and spending time with his family. He still drove an old Holden Commodore and dressed like nobody owned him.

Unfortunately the paranoia about his wife’s devotion to him continued to slowly eat away at his mental capacity. Having his workmates continually rev him up each day did not help to settle the jealous beast that sat quietly inside the poor bloke.

It was Leon’s birthday and he couldn’t have been happier. Following a roll in the hay with his beautiful wife, he sprung from bed like a tiger. What a way to start the day, he thought. He was now forty and he was still naughty.

Following a man-sized breakfast he jumped in the rusty bucket of a Commodore and headed off to work. Nothing could rattle him as he whistled happily whist making concrete deliveries. Irate, whinging builders couldn’t even knock the wind from his sails as be breezed through the day.

As he was gnawing on his cheese and salad roll, one of his sales reps stormed into his office.

“Hey Leon, I just saw your wife being driven around in a BMW convertible down the road.” He was genuinely concerned as he relayed the information. “Some bloke in a suit was at the wheel and they looked a bit too chummy for my liking.”

Leon thought this was just another rev up from one of his work mates, but out of interest, he decided to do a drive by past his house on the way to make a delivery, just to settle the nerves.

As Leon turned into his street, his jaw hit the ground like a tonne of bricks. Parked in the driveway was a shiny midnight blue BMW convertible, just as the sales rep had described. Leon was beside himself, the poor fellow. His hands shook as he tried to gain some composure. He took a few deep breaths as he sized up the situation but his deep-seated jealous demons took over.

Leon meticulously reversed up next to the convertible and parked alongside it. It was like he was on autopilot as he alighted the truck, walked to the rear and fiddled a few dials. Instantly, the truck spewed its contents and filled the entire convertible with a well-mixed batch of wet concrete. Leon just stood and stared.

“This will teach the cheating bride… and her boyfriend,” he thought.

At the sound of all the commotion, Leon’s wife appeared on the balcony with nothing but a towel around her, dripping wet, with a blank expression on her face.

“This will teach your boyfriend a lesson!” Leon hollered over the rumble of the concrete truck motor. “Ha!”

“Boyfriend! What bloody boyfriend, you idiot?” his wife replied.

“Oh? So you don’t have a boyfriend snookered up there in the shower?” Leon yelled.

“No, you moron. I don’t have a bloody boyfriend up here… and now you don’t have a nice new car for your birthday!” the wife snapped as she stormed back inside. Leon stood in the driveway with his shoulders slouched. He suddenly felt incredibly silly.

NO COMMENTS YET. DON'T BE SHY, TELL US WHAT YOU THINK

Comment