What Pissed Off Pearl In 2010
It just wouldn’t be Christmas in the Eastern Suburbs without those annoying blue tents at Clovelly Beach, the hysteria in Westfield Bondi Junction, Paris Hilton look-a-likes at the Cloey Hotel, and Pearl’s annual ‘What Pissed Pearl Off’ column. So here goes nothing:
• The hypocrisy of two houses marketed as ‘eco’ when their construction involved the demolition of an entire apartment block. Pearl doesn’t give a hoot about the ecological nature of the lighting, carpeting or windows, when the materials from an entire c1930s apartment block were disposed of in landfill. And god knows how a house with a three-car garage and swimming pool manages to secure the ‘eco’ tag?
• The owner of an enormous coastal house with 180 degree views requesting that Energy Australia lop a nearby telegraph pole because it is blocking his view of the ocean. How much view does this man need? Maybe he should consider how lucky he is to have a vista of the ocean, rather than whinging about 10cm of greying timber.
• Rose Bay. Pearl feels sorry for the ‘normal’ people who live in Rose Bay, surrounded as they are by copious amounts of dog poo, hideously obnoxious people sporting bouffant and pompadour hairdos and Yummy Mummies wielding Range Rovers as weapons. I know you are out there, suffering in silence.
• Real estate advertising. Maybe I should just get over it and live with the fact that those buying into the Eastern Suburbs are purchasing a ‘lifestyle, NOT a house’. Next year I will be holding the Pearl’s Real Estate Copywriter of the Year Awards. Until then, this year’s favourites include: “There is no riff-raff here” (just arrogant tossers); “The Parisienne-end of Potts Point” (the end where the homeless survive on discarded French baguettes and casks of red wine); “New resort-inspired family retreat”; “Stunning master retreat reminiscent of a 5 star luxury motel”; “Ideal for child management”; and “Inspired by the spectacular Caldera Cliffs of Santorini”. And what the hell is a ‘powder room’ or a ‘man shed’?
• A Clovelly Road café reviewed as “like being a little corner of Europe”. With so much dog poo lying around the streets of Clovelly, it actually is becoming just like a little corner of Europe.
• The Woollahra shopkeeper who subtly ‘dissuaded’ (i.e. shooed away) one of my friends and her two children from looking in the front window of her shop. My friend was dressed in ugg boots, so I surmise her appearance was littering the window front, but when did window-shopping in sheepskin become a crime?
• State Government’s clandestine approval of the development of the Hakoah Club site by a large political donor. As if Bondi needs more residents and more ugly shops. And if the CBH development goes ahead, Pearl vows to chain herself naked to the front door of the pub.
• Tony Abbott declaring himself the “gatekeeper of the nation’s values and ideas”.
• The news that Jane Ferguson, socialite sister of the Royal Fergie, has “hit hard times financially” – pensioners, get your Glomesh purses out and dig deep for a good cause. And, don’t forget Pearl’s favourite socialite-in-need, Karen Upton-Baker, who is allegedly struggling with her $18 million mortgage.
So what did Pearl love about 2010? I love Maroubra library, my loyal fans at Hurstville CC, the drinking fountain near Waverley Cemetery, the baguettes and pastries (and lovely staff) at Brot, sexy local actor Roy Billings, and crowd watching at Roosters v Bulldogs games – a cross between a nightclub and a mosque, with not a latte-sipper in sight!
Kisses under the mistletoe… Pearl x