Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 When you’re offered an amazing opportunity, but you couldn’t be arsed doing anything about it, just let it slide and it will come back later. Taurus Apr 21-May 21 You’re fully aware of your ...

This is not a euphemism for an un-waxed downstairs pash, but rather having a vacation away from it all. We tend to spend our holidays at the beach, on the snow or, if we’re being cultural, in some European capital, but...

Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott has launched a scathing attack on The Beast for causing the recent extreme weather conditions that swept across Europe. “Climate change is real,” he shouted down the microphone durin...

Had Barnaby Joyce been a politician in the era of Xenophon of Athens (rather than Xenophon of SA-Best), his current woes could easily be explained away as a Grecian tragedy. From his citizenship woes, which have their or...

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 Itchy bum hole? Combantrin chocolate squares are delicious, but they work a whole lot faster if you jam them straight in your arse. Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 Chuck a sickie when there’s nothing wrong wit...

The Unreliable Guide loves pubs. A good pub is a thing of joy; a place to celebrate, commiserate, initiate new friendships and generally have a bloody good time. But what makes a pub ‘good’? Some pubs are horrible; f...

Strap yourselves in folks, SkoolDrop Demolition Derby™ is set to heat up the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney. Buckle up and hold on tight for the greatest event in the history of international motorsport. Two action-packed h...

How absolutely revolting are the revelations concerning the behaviour of men like Harvey Weinstein and Don Burke? Ewwww, disgusting and gross. It’s not just the groping; it’s the lewd talk and foul acts performed in ...

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 It’s not fashionable to be late, it just shows a lack of respect for people’s time, which is fair enough when your time is actually more valuable. Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 Have you inspected the in...

The Beast has achieved yet another exclusive with the acquisition of highly classified documents outlining details of the enormous new high-rise complex to be constructed on the site of Waverley Cemetery. This publicatio...