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Safe Injecting Space Planned for Mackenzie’s Bay

By Kieran Blake www.kieranblakewriter.com on November 5, 2020 in Satire

Don’t worry, it’ll just wash away with the tide. Photo: Robert Downy Jr.

Drug addicts will be able to legally consume any form of illicit drug at Mackenzies Bay after Waverley Council declared the beach an open-air safe injecting space.
Hardcore junkies, professional footballers, and recreational users will be free to inject, sniff, snort, smoke, or imbibe any illicit substance they choose with complete impunity, and police and rangers will take no action against any person within the signposted designated area of Mackenzies Bay and Gaerloch Reserve.
Council alluded to dog owners in explaining the rationale behind the shock decision.
“Dog owners claim that they should be allowed to take their dogs to Mackenzies Bay because they have been breaking the rules for years anyway,” stated a spokesperson for Waverley Council.
“Drug users have also been illegally consuming drugs for years, so they should be allowed to use the bay as well. We really owe a great deal of gratitude to dog owners for opening our eyes to the possibility of creating a safe and non-judgemental space for people to enjoy their drug taking,” continued the spokesperson.
Council recounted how owners have given their dogs free rein over the space and enjoyed the lack of regulation that is applied to other beaches within the municipality, and that local residents will be elated to learn that drug users will be extended the same privilege.
“We are also confident that tourists flocking to the coastal walk will be delighted to see a beach full of drug addicts enjoying the lovely bay. It makes a great backdrop for a selfie.”
Council has subsequently been forced to reverse the current alcohol ban on all of its beaches because alcohol is also a drug. As a result, residents are advised to leave footwear on at all times to protect their feet from shards of glass, and to take gloves and rubbish bags to pick up other people’s waste after alcohol-fuelled celebrations.
Bemused residents oppose the move, and argue that the presence of drug users will detract from the experience of the public who want to use the beach. They also pointed out that used needles, bongs and other drug paraphernalia will be left on the beach.
Council reminded residents that dog droppings and plastic bags have been left on the beach for years, but this hasn’t forced rangers to enforce the rules prohibiting dogs from the beach.
“Furthermore, as one owner told us, anything left behind at the beach will eventually be washed into the ocean by the tides. Dog faeces are already harming marine life and fish, as well as posing a health risk to swimmers at Mackenzies and Tamarama, so a few needles and traces of meth won’t make too much of a difference.”

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