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This Year’s City2Surf to Hurt Your Wallet and Your Legs

You know that selfie you’re dying to take as you cross the finishing line of the City2Surf, the photo that will encapsulate your pain and accomplishment for all your adoring social media fans? Well, now you’ll have to pay for it. A document leaked discreetly from Waverley Council outlines plans to fine every runner whose […]

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Star Signs – July 2018

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22 There’s nothing wrong with being confident, but you should always remain humble in the knowledge that you’re good at everything. Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 Going around in circles is better than going so far in one direction that you can’t get back to the comfort from whence you came. Virgo Aug […]

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The Unreliable Guide to… Gambling

Australia loses more money gambling per person than any other developed country. Yay, we win! But seriously, dropping a lazy hundred on the pokies every weekend is just volunteering to be mugged. I’d rather you spent the money on a few lines or a quickie in the Cross. Pokies are called one-armed bandits for a […]

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Malabar to Host ‘Running of the Bullets’

Thousands of adventurous souls will descend upon Malabar Headland National Park next month for the explosive excitement of Running of the Bullets. Runners will traverse a challenging cross-country course along the headland while dodging live ammunition fired from the adjacent rifle range. The starter’s gun will release the runners, as well as a flurry of […]

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Getting to the Bottom of it

DOES PEARL LIKE POO? Dearest Pearl – So many dogs, so much poo. Most owners are great and pick it up, but what does Pearl think about owners dumping their poo bags in your bin on the street, especially after the council has just emptied the bin? Quite often the dogs are huge and so […]

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Star Signs – April 2018

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 When you’re offered an amazing opportunity, but you couldn’t be arsed doing anything about it, just let it slide and it will come back later. Taurus Apr 21-May 21 You’re fully aware of your need for a change of scenery but you never do anything about it, which is why you’ll […]

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The Unreliable Guide To… Taking a Holiday in The Bush

This is not a euphemism for an un-waxed downstairs pash, but rather having a vacation away from it all. We tend to spend our holidays at the beach, on the snow or, if we’re being cultural, in some European capital, but The Unreliable Guide recently left all that behind and spent six weeks on 80 […]

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Tony Abbott Blames The Beast for Europe’s Extreme Cold Snap

Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott has launched a scathing attack on The Beast for causing the recent extreme weather conditions that swept across Europe. “Climate change is real,” he shouted down the microphone during a regular radio segment. “Climate change is behind the recent blizzard-like conditions in Europe and it is all due to The […]

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The Revenge of Pistol and Boo

Had Barnaby Joyce been a politician in the era of Xenophon of Athens (rather than Xenophon of SA-Best), his current woes could easily be explained away as a Grecian tragedy. From his citizenship woes, which have their origins in Pericles of Athens, to his adultery, which was punishable by death (i.e. the back bench), it […]

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Star Signs – March 2018

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 Itchy bum hole? Combantrin chocolate squares are delicious, but they work a whole lot faster if you jam them straight in your arse. Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 Chuck a sickie when there’s nothing wrong with you, then get absolutely shitfaced so you feel sick the next day, just to justify the […]

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The Beast.